Morning Ride

A typical ride to school with Noah, 10, Jacob, 8, and Gabriel, 1. Sometimes, all you have to do is sit back and listen.


Jacob: “Are we going to be late?”

Mama: “No, we’re not going to be late.”

Jacob: “We stayed at home for quite a while after I had my coat on.”

Mama: “That’s because you put your coat on 20 minutes before we had to leave.”

Noah: “Gabe, keys for the baby!”

Gabriel: “Ha!”

J: “Cheese for the baby?”

N: “Keys! I gave him his toy keys.”

J: “Oh."

N: “Mama, did you know that the explorer Ferdinand Magellan left with 300 people and only 17 returned?”

M: “I didn’t know that.”

N: “He left with 300 and only 17 returned.”

J: “I think Columbus just had one other person.”

N: “No he didn’t. He had a lot of people. But he was an idiot. He thought the earth was flat.”

J: “No he didn’t.”

N: “Yes he did.”

J: “No he didn’t.”

N: “Jacob, I think I would know. I’m reading about him right now in Social Studies.”

J: “Well, I’m reading about him too.”

N: “Yeah and you’re in third grade. He was an idiot. He was supposed to go east but if you go east you crash into Europe and don’t get to Asia. They said east and he went west.”

J: “That has nothing to do with if he thought the earth was flat.”

N: “Did you know Columbus wasn’t the first person to discover earth? I mean, America? It was the Vikings but they were killed by the Indians.”

G: “Aach.”

J: “All the restaurants are closed.”

M: “That’s because it’s 7:30 in the morning.”

N: “Mama, what did the Energizer bunny get arrested for?”

M: “What?”

N: “Battery!”

M: “That’s funny.”

N: “Do you get it? Because the Energizer bunny is like…the mascot for Energizer batteries?”

M: “I get it.”

N: “Because he’s like made of batteries and he just keeps going and going.”

M: “I get it.”

J: “It’s raining. It started out nice and now look at our windows.”

N: “Jacob, can you imagine if you had a car that was gray, but then you washed it and it was really red? It was so covered with dust that it looked gray but it was really red? And then it got smaller and smaller from the dust coming off? It was a dusty old car that was red underneath. It could be a witch’s car.”

J: “A witch wouldn’t need a car. She would have a broom.”

N: “Good point.”

J: “There’s the Cub Scouts sign. There’s Alex. And that jerk Preston.”

M: “Jacob, that’s not very nice.”

N: “Who’s the one with the helmet?”

J: “The guy or the kid?”

N: “The kid.”

J: “That’s that jerk Preston.”

N: “Mama, are Austria and Australia the same thing?”

M: “No, they’re two separate countries.”

J: “Noah, Australia is the Land Down Under.”

N: “There’s Father Willard’s house. That’s where Father Willard lives.”

J: “He needs to paint his front door.”

N: “We’re there!”

J: “Are we late?”

M: “No, we’re not late.”

J: “We were at home for quite a while after I had my coat on.”

M: “We’re not late.”

J: “Can we get out?”

N: “No! Get closer to the door. It’s raining!”

M: “You can get out. Be careful. Don’t forget your lunches.”

N: “Bye!”

J: “Bye Mama.”

Doors slamming.

Silence.

G: “Ewch.”